1. Road to Germany (Season 7/Episode 3)
Mort really really really has to pee in this one, and the time machine, posing as an indoor port-o-potty, fits the bill. Poor unsuspecting Mort is sent back to Nazi Germany, the worst possible place he could go.
Thankfully Stewie and Brian zap into the past, with the return pad, to track down Mort, and return him home. But, that would be too easy. The return pad, of course, is dead and needs more uranium to operate.
So, Stewie gets gussied up as Hitler and gets what he needs, but not before running into the real Hitler and playing a game of mirror! What fun! Oh and U-boats and dog fights.
2. Yug Ylimaf (Season 11/Episode 4)
Brian is using the time machine to impress women, oh no! Brian tries to cover up his use of the machine by turning the odometer back, busting the things and reversing time exponentially for the whole universe.
This one is a real treat, because we get to revisit some of the best Family Guy moments in reverse whilst Brian and Stewie get down to the wire attempting to reverse the clock back to normal.
There’s nothing quite like vomit going into your mouth instead of coming out!
3. Brian & Stewie (Season 8/Episode 17)
This is a heavy one. Close to a play, in that the whole episode takes place in one room – a bank vault. It plays with serious themes of alcoholism and suicide.
It has light silly moments that the rest of the episode relies on, namely, the last call Stewie makes on his dying cell phone is to a boutique where he’d like to return an expensive sweater, instead of calling for help.
This aggravates Brian, but they grow enough that he’s eventually willing to literally eat Stewie’s shit, and more!
4. Peter’s Daughter (Season 6/Episode 7)
Stewie and Brian buy a recently flooded house and decide to flip it for a profit together! Once the fun on the radio is over. Over. the house begins to fall apart.
Their last bet at getting out of this one is by dramatically blowing up the whole place, and possibly killing an electrician. Who knows, it’s only implied.
And then there’s something about Meg falling into a coma, then waking up, and Peter becoming super protective of her. Holding a boy at gunpoint when it is revealed he impregnated her!
5. The Tan Aquatic of Steve Zissou (Season 5/Episode 11)
Tannnn issss innnn for this babyyyyy. Stewie is tan now, and you’ll just have to deal with it. He holds a super posh garden party and those are, like, his tan friends now.
After getting severely burnt, because Brian is irresponsible, Stewie gets tested for skin cancer. Whilst waiting for the results, Stewie asks Brian to make what could be his final days a bit brighter. Notably, they visit the “Chicago Museum of Art” and Stewie stares very very very – very – deeply into a Georges Seurat painting.
Oh, and Peter beats up a minor and hides from Lois in a tree.
6. Road to the Multiverse (Season 8/Episode 1)
Stewie has the biggest hog… at the Quahog Clam Day Fair and Brian wants to know how the hell he bred such an animal.
Stewie introduces the multiverse. So, after jumping around a variety of colorful universes, seeing a hot Meg, dancing and singing about pie in a Disney universe, getting stuck in a block of ice, becoming a real boy and dog, and a number of other fun people, places, and things, they end up in a universe where dogs rule and humans have to be on a leash.
Brian decides he doesn’t want to leave, until of course Stewie is committed to the pound to be killed. They always know how to get into a pickle!
7. Back to the Pilot (Season 10/Episode 5)
Brian, that forgetful goose, wants to recover an old tennis ball he buried, but doesn’t know where he buried it. Stewie provides a very elegant yet simple solution, time travel.
They visit themselves in the past, notice they just stood there during cutaways back in the day, and then high tail it back to the present. Except Brian spilled the beans on the way to the toilet to Past-Brian about 9/11 and then about Harry Potter, on two separate trips.
In a bid to fix this mess, various versions of Stewie and Brian show up, in various states of disrepair, telling each other to turn back. The lead Stewie threatens them and tells them all to go back to where they came from, right friggin’ now.
That seems to do the trick.
8. The Big Bang Theory (Season 9/Episode 16)
This one’s a doooozy. It starts out innocent enough, Stewie is using his time machine to embarrass Brian, but Brian catches on and they fight over the machine, popping outside of existence. The only way back? To create the universe of course! Hence the title.
Then, somehow Stewie’s nemesis Bertram shows up and plots to kill Stewie by taking out his ancestor, Leonardo Davinci. After a lot of exciting battles and earlier-than-flight air travel, Davinci is murdered.
Stewie saves the day with some ancestral impregnation and lives to bring back Brian a gift… an original Davinci candle.
9. Road to Rupert (Season 5/Episode 9)
Darn-it Brian, why would you sell Rupert at a yard sale? Stewie flips a lid and cries a lot. So, Brian embraces the inevitable trip ahead of them to retrieve the precious teddy bear.
The boys perform a wonderful musical number with the iconic Gene Kelly as payment for a helicopter, which they crash land just outside of Aspen, dreams really do come true!
It all ends in a bet on a ski race, the stake: to take back Rupert or give up Brian, who will lick peanut butter from anywhere – anywhere. Good thing that guy went to Choate.
Off to the races! I love that Stewie can go into his little cabin on skis and sip tea by the fireplace. It’s so nice, the luxuries of today.
Who sings that song? James Taylor. Yeah, let’s keep it that way.
10. Road to the North Pole (Season 9/Episode 7)
Dark, humorous, and possibly one of the greatest holiday episodes of Family Guy to date. Stewie insists on seeing Santa with is own eyes, and when he does, he sees something unexpected – a lifeless man, sapped by the world’s greed.
Stewie and Brian attempting to fill in for Santa is laugh-out-loud funny. They screw up so hard on their first house, they’re best bet is to go on national television and tell the world to ask for less, so that Santa can keep the Christmas magic alive.
Aww isn’t that a nice message? Happy holidays!
11. Brian Sings and Swings (Season 4/Episode 19)
Peter almost kills Brian with the car, and that really gets Brian down for some reason. Until he meets Frank Sinatra, Jr. and starts to sing with him and the big band, living life in the moment.
Stewie is so bored just waiting around backstage and just has to join in on the fun. Thank goodness he does! This episode gives us some really great big band musical numbers! So much fun!
12. Road to Europe (Season 3/Episode 20)
Stewie found an extra button and doesn’t really know what to do with it, or maybe it goes to a sweater that he was going to return? Though it is a nice sweater, and it might be a little chilly in London, maybe he should keep it. Oh, maybe the button goes with the sweater.
Anyway, he is sick of living with the degenerate Griffins, and hops a flight to Britain to live out his days on the set of his favorite show “Jolly Farm Revue.”
Brian gets on the flight just in time too, they inexplicably land in Saudi Arabia (didn’t read their tickets close enough I suppose), and a fantastic musical number ensues providing cover for their theft of a camel.
They eventually make it to the BBC, but not before pissing off the pope at the Vatican and getting stoned in Amsterdam. This one is a gem, and a dump in Mother Maggie’s shoes.
Images courtesy of 20th Television/Disney-ABC Domestic Television
